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IN PAIN

January 25th, 2007 by charlottedianco

It’s been 5 days since Raymond died and until now, the pain is still unbearable. To say that I am hurting is an understatement- I am almost numb with pain. I have become an ACM- Automatic Crying Machine- minus the coins. Whenever I see things that remind me of him- streets, restaurants, his friendster account, people, places- my tears automatically roll. Sometimes it’s embarassing- but crying is also necessary- to get the emotions off my chest or I’d die of grief.

Sometimes I find myself in the denial stage- that all these (the accident, the wake and all the crying) belong to a remote nightmare (not on Elm Street)- that somehow I would wake up the next morning and find that Mon is just somewhere in Manila- eating, talking, texting or dating. I am sooo not used to the fact that he’s gone- forever. No more phone calls during unholy hours, no more road trips with soup #5, no more seemingly endless conversations, no more giggles. Damn- I feel like crying again.

People who knew Mon personally and those who knew how close we were- understand why I feel this way- why I was deeply affected by his death. But to those who do not know him- Mon was just the sweetest, kindest, generous and most loyal  friend ever. He stood by me thru thick and thin. My God, he was just a skinny kid when we met and I never thought we’d be really good friends. I can never thank him enough for the friendship- for sharing with me those fun-filled and truly wonderful years.

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GOODBYE RAYMOND

January 21st, 2007 by charlottedianco

I just got home from a pictorial when I heard the news that RAYMOND PAGDANGANAN- one of my closest friends- died in an accident. For the first time in my life- I wished it was just a nasty rumor or another misinformation- and at the back of my mind I was hoping that Raymond was just somewhere- having fun- safe and alive. I was scared of the truth, but I was still hopeful.

The evening news confirmed my fear. He died in a car accident today. To say that I was shocked- is an understatement. I was beyond that. How can a young man- full of potential and full of dreams- especially when he’s one of my bestfriends- die just like that? It’s hard to believe.

I cannot even describe the friendship that we shared for so many years.

I met Mon at a time when his father was still one of the powerful governors in the country. Despite his political background, Mon treated me like an equal. He never made me feel like I was an outsider or that I didn’t belong- he welcomed me in his world and we were such good friends. When I look back at all those times we shared together- I can only sigh because words will never be enough.

We shared a lot of laughters, we shared triumphs and heartaches, we conquered challenges, we fought over petty things, we shared our secrets- hopes, fears and dreams. We burned lines- cellphone lines at that. We both experienced a ghost in our hotel room in one of our trips; we had a lot of long drives together, we shared the same passion for books and new wave music. We never ran out of things to talk about and distance was never a problem for us. Though we pursued different paths, we remained good friends through the years.

I regret the times we missed each other because of our busy scheds. Last year, we planned on seeing each other and spend time together like the old days- but it never materialized. And I feel sad because I will never hear his laughter and his music anymore.

I still couldn’t stop crying. Especially when I still have his text message in my phone:

"Schedules aren’t always bound in concrete. Make sure that you have enough leisure time to explore the things you’ve been wanting to do. Excitement doesn’t come everyday. Realize that everyday you have is a treasure."

Raymond is supposed to celebrate his 27th birthday this February.

Yes. Everyday we have is a treasure.

Goodbye Raymond.

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THE PHOTO SHOOT

January 5th, 2007 by charlottedianco

I just survived my first photo shoot for 2007.

I cannot imagine what I had to endure though- to say that we crammed is an understatement. It was a ballistic experience because of the inavailability of models with the most unbelievable reasons!

Model Number 1:

Everything was okay until the day before the shoot. He got drunk and tried to assault his ex-girlfriend. She stabbed Model Number 1 in the face and so he got 5 stitches. Damn- talk about Frankenstein!

And so- because Model Number 1 couldn’t do the pictorial (unless we use the photos for Halloween), I had to find another one.

Model Number 2:

For some strange reason- all her 4 mobile phones suddenly couldn’t be reached. We found out later she was just too busy in the casino (grrrrr!).

By the time I reached Model number 3- the photo shoot was less than 24 hours away. My normally straight hair was starting to curl in all directions!

Model Number 3:

"Wow! Pictorial? Sounds great! Yes, I’ll do it, why not?"

It was five in the afternoon. Whew. I could finally take a nap- and so I did. Forty five minutes later, I received a message from Model Number 3.

"Ay ate, I have to go somewhere pala tomorrow. Can we just do the pictorial next week?"

Holy shhh…t!!! Resume panic mode. I started calling people again- while silently cursing Model Number 1.

Model Number 4:

She was willing to do the photo shoot, but she was in Brazil.

I’ll be damned.

Then I received a call from an obviously deranged and mentally-ill person pretending to be my friend with these suggestions for my pictorial– MADAM AURING and MYSTICA.

What the fffff….ck!!!

I swear- if he was in front of me, I could have killed him with my bare hands in less than five minutes. I was really fuming mad, especially since the clock was ticking fast.

Good thing, a member of an all-female sexy group offered to help me find another model. She sent me the numbers of all her friends and I was able to finally convince one of them to do the photo shoot despite the very short notice. She was really a good sport and I couldn’t thank her enough.

And so yesterday- we had the photo shoot- the female model and the Fil-Canadian actor/model who is in the Philippines right now. It went well.

Madam Auring? Mystica?

I cannot freakin’ believe the names entered my friend’s mind. I cannot imagine. Oh gosh.

Thank you GOD. 

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NONSENSE

January 2nd, 2007 by charlottedianco

I woke up this morning with a terrible stomach ache- it felt like a giant electric fan has decided to live inside. I was cold but at the same time sweating- a terrible combination because it set off my panic alarm. And it didn’t help that a few nights ago, I watched the news about food poisoning. Damn.

I tried to recall what I had last night.

Was it the pasta? But everyone in the party had pasta (and most of the guests belonged to this new controversial film which will be shown soon.. and Death By Pasta is definitely not a glamorous option!).

Was it the beef with sesame seeds? (Oh GOSH. Probably! I didn’t even know the name of that dish and I just ate it….siyet).

OKAY. Since I cannot turn back the clock (no use crying over spilled milk, etc)- I settled for a hot cup of coffee. Well, I cannot think of any remedy- it was just too early to take meds (and I don’t really take meds unless it’s a matter of life and death)- so coffee was my most logical (logical? hahahaha!) solution. After all, we could never go wrong with a cup of coffee (even anti-socials resort to coffee when in doubt, hahaha!). And believe me- I felt better after having coffee. Then I went back to sleep.

DISCLAIMER:

This is a product of bubble thoughts- sense is NOT required.

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PLAY LIST

January 1st, 2007 by charlottedianco

In the movie HAPPY FEET, they say a penguin has a heart song. Well, since I am NOT a penguin, what I have is a play list- and I was listening to it when I greeted the New Year (2007) last night. Good thing the neighbors were busy with their firecrackers, otherwise they would have filed a complaint against me for playing the same set of songs- over and over.

Manic Monday

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

Big in Japan

What A Feeling

It’s A Sin

Papa Don’t Preach

Never Say Die (Iron Eagle)

Blue Kiss

Borderline

Go West

99 Luft Balloons

Venus

State of the Nation

Walk Like An Egyptian

Take On Me

Red Red Wine

Nevermind Girl

These are just some of the songs in my playlist that I listen to- whenever I need/want to have that feel-good moment. These are the songs of my youth- the signature of my generation. And everytime I listen to these songs, it never fails to bring me back to the happiest years of my life. The playlist is like my portal to good memories. Every song in my list represents an important event, a person, a group of friends, triumphs and a lot of laughter.

Papa Don’t Preach– How can I ever forget this song? My dance partner Stephen Yarra (ka sa…) dropped me while we were performing– in the middle of the gym full of students! Good thing we were able to "improvised" and was given the Championship trophy.

Never Say Die - this was the controversial dance number in high school because the seniors (we were sophomores) wanted the dance number too. It almost ended up in a blood shed (over a dance number!! Imagine!) FYI: The song was so popular back then because Eat Bulaga had a dance contest. 

Nevermind Girl - our dance number during the political rally for the ACHSSSC.

Venus - We trained a group of grade four students (Che, remember this?) and they won the dance contest because of this song.

It’s A Sin - the song that gave us the championship trophy during the interschool lemontime (like a cheerdance competition) contest.

Walk Like An Egyptian - the favorite song of my childhood friend - he would always play the song in his little recorder while sitting on the roof. He died six years ago but I will always remember that we had the best summer in 1988.

Borderline - the first music video I received from a friend in 1988. Our betamax almost broke down because I was always watching it.

I could go on and on with the songs and their significance… but I don’t want to spend the entire 2007 skating back to the past.

Bottomline is- I started 2007 with a happy heart and a renewed spirit because I have enough good memories to make me whole. I also wish the same for everyone.

Make your own playlist.   

   

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